WebParenTips - The Online Parenting Newsletter
                  vol.2 no.16, December, 2001 

               GIFTS FOR THE CHILDREN

What to give the kids for the holidays?

Let me suggest gifts for your children that you will not find at the
mall or on-line.  These gifts require your time and thoughts but not
your money, and represent what I deeply believe today’s children need
from their parents.

o THE GIFT OF TIME WITH YOU.  Parents today are worried about whether
they spend enough time with their children.  Chances are you don’t.
Parents in a recent study reported they spend less time with their
children that their own parents spent with them.  About a third of
children of employed parents say they don’t have enough time with their
parents, especially their fathers.  This is an indictment of how busy we
all are these days and how difficult it is to balance our work/family
selves, not an indictment of mothers who work as children with working
mothers are no more likely to feel they don’t have enough mother time
than those whose mothers stay home.

Make an early New Year’s Resolution: I WILL SPEND MORE TIME WITH EACH OF
MY CHILDREN.  For older children write down on a holiday card what you
intend to
do, “In the year 2001, I pledge to take you out to lunch every
Saturday.”  For the younger children who won’t understand a pledge card,
just do it!

Set aside some attentive time every day for each child. Find time for
reading to and with your children.  Take walks together.  Do projects
together like grow an herb garden or make a book of snapshots for
Grandma.

o THE GIFT OF SHARING.  We live in a consumeristic world with much too
much emphasis on material things.  One way parents can combat the
effects of consumerism is to involve their children from an early age in
learning the joy of giving to others.

Give every child the opportunity of GIVING, not just getting, this
holiday season.  Be sure to buy and wrap at least one toy for a child
less fortunate than your own--and involve your child in the process.
Invite older children to help decide where the family charity dollar
should go this year.  Bring the  kids along when you take food to the
Community Food Bank.  Don’t forget to say, "You got so many presents
today, which toy would you like to give away to a child who doesn't have
any toys?"

o THE GIFT OF RESISTING PRESSURE FROM TV AND PEERS.  At the risk of
appearing  too Grinch-like, I find it disturbing to watch materialistic
moppets hardly able to talk with the  “Gimme’s.”  They are programmed to
ask for every heavily-promoted toy they see on TV or in a friend’s
hands.  They are encouraged by fiendishly clever advertising to know
about and want every Pokemon.  (I speak from experience--I just spent
the weekend with my 5-year-old twin grandchildren.)

Point out to your children how advertising manipulates people.  Resist
pressures yourself and model responsible shopping behavior looking for
value and WHAT YOU NEED not what some Madison Avenue suit decides you
should want.  Raise your child to be his or her own person who can
resist peer pressure, or at least minimize its effects on buying.

o THE GIFT OF PEACE AND QUIET.  I have absolutely no scientific proof
but it seems possible that all the bells and whistles and flashing
lights our kids are exposed to from morning to night can frazzle their
brains.  Why do Elmo and  Barney have to talk?  Why do educational toys
blare obnoxious noises and light up when you get it right?

It seems to me that the environments of our young children are too
noisy, too cluttered,  too chaotic, and too fast-paced.  Turn down the
volume, limit the number of things, slow down the pace, and go back to
simple pleasures like singing songs together in a rocking chair.

o Finally, THE GIFT OF YOUR LOVE.  Never be so busy you don’t have time
for a hug. Never let the sun go down without telling each of your
children that you love them.  And find time for each other--the gift of
a loving, stable marriage is beyond price to a child.


Happy Parenting,
Marilyn Heins, M.D.

NOTE: There are New ParenTips on the website. See:

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Dr. Marilyn Heins is a Tucson pediatrician, parenting
columnist for the Arizona Daily Star, author of the book,
ParenTips, as well as a mother, stepmother and grandmother.

She is available for workshops and lectures to groups of
parents, teachers, and grandparents. See:

Dr. Heins' Lectures
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