WebParenTips - The Online Parenting Newsletter
                  vol.3 no.3, March, 2002 

               A LOOK BACKWARDS

I may sound like a crotchety old lady dwelling on the past but it occurs
to me that families have lost ground in some important areas: they don't
make music any more, they don't eat meals together any more, and they
don't have family discussions about current events.

When I was a child we made music, individually and together. We sat down
to dinner at a set time and ate together. We had long discussions about
what was going on in the world (we called it current events) either at
the dinner table or in the living room (we didn't have a family room)
after dinner and dishes.

When I was growing up every house had a piano and every kid took piano
lessons. Some families rented a piano until they knew whether their kids
would be interested. In my earliest memories there was a piano in our
house because my mother played; my father played the flute. My sister
and I were started on the piano but my parents wanted us to have our own
quartet so when my sister was 7 and I was 12 we added the violin and
cello respectively.

Today kids are much more apt to listen to music than to play music. Of
course there are exceptions but not many houses have pianos. Instead
babies start out with toys that sing and talk and progress to CD players
(one for every kid of course). Schools have stopped teaching  music in
many districts. Today's children are missing the opportunity to learn
another language (music notation) and make music with others (a special
kind of team work). They may enjoy music but it is a passive experience
not an active one.

Dinner was an entire meal when I was a girl: meat, potatoes, at least
two vegetables, dessert. My mother worked at home as a commercial artist
and I remember her rushing to put a meal on the table on time so we
could sit down together. When I was raising my children this scenario
was getting harder and harder to pull off - I was often late getting home
from the hospital and my husband had to go back to work after dinner
several nights a week. But most nights we sat down together. It was the
home cooking that suffered: meals might be heated-up leftovers or a
delivered pizza.

Today, everybody is busy. Both Mom and Dad work and the children are
involved in a myriad of activities. Often each family member eats alone
out of the microwave.

Family discussions taught me an incredible amount. I don't remember a
word of content but I remember  learning how to listen, how to get
involved in a discussion, how to wait my turn and "hold that thought" as
my father would say if I became too eager and interrupted, and how to
argue the right way saying your piece without putting the opposition
down.

Today's kids may know a lot about current events from TV and the
computer but they are not very articulate. "You know" and "like" are
the most common words in contemporary conversation.

My suggestions:

Consider having your kids PLAY MUSIC, not just listen. Active engagement
in a task exercises the brain just as physical exercise works the
muscles.

If you can't have a family dinner every night, set aside a sacred time
at least once or twice a week when you all EAT TOGETHER.

Start FAMILY DISCUSSIONS. Again, one night a week is better than
nothing. When children  realize what they have to say is valued they
become interested in many topics and start reading newspapers.


Happy Parenting,
Marilyn Heins, M.D.

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Dr. Marilyn Heins is a Tucson pediatrician, parenting
columnist for the Arizona Daily Star, author of the book,
ParenTips, as well as a mother, stepmother and grandmother.

She is available for workshops and lectures to groups of
parents, teachers, and grandparents. See:

Dr. Heins' Lectures
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