WebParenTips - The Online Parenting Newsletter vol.4 no.5, May 2003 

                           LOVE AND LIMITS

      Love and Limits are really all you need to raise kids..

Parental love should be UNCONDITIONAL. This means you love your child for the
unique being he or she is. You don't just love the child for his or her
attributes like a pretty face, or accomplishments like being the first on the
block to be toilet-trained, or acquisitions like a soccer trophy. You just
simply love the kid!

Understanding the concept of unconditional love is a good start but it is not
enough. Your love must be DEMONSTRATED many times each day. You know the drill:
hugs, kisses, pats, holding hands, telling the child I love you! over and over
again. Your love should be CHILD-CENTERED so you go to the swings rather than
the tennis court on Saturday morning.

Your love must also be STRONG. Strong enough so you foster the child's
development of autonomy even though it's scary. This means you let your
toddler climb up the slide in the park. Of course you stand there and keep
your child safe. But you love the child so much you swallow your fear and
help the kid grow up day by day when it would be a lot easier on your nervous
system to keep the child in your arms.

And your love must be strong enough so you set LIMITS even though it's often
easier to give in.

Knowing that their parent is strong and always in-charge gives children a sense
of security. My Mom (or Dad) loves me. And is in-charge around here and will
keep me safe. The kid whose parent always gives in worries, Who's running this
show? It better not be me - I'm too little!

Loving your kid is the easy part. Most parents need some work on their limits
skills. Check the DISCIPLINE section of my website's ParenTips if you need help.


Happy Parenting,
Marilyn Heins, M.D.


NOTE: There are New ParenTips on the website. See: ParenTips


For comments, suggestions or requests for future topics
please write: info@parentkidsright.com


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Dr. Marilyn Heins is a Tucson pediatrician, parenting
columnist for the Arizona Daily Star, author of the book,
ParenTips, as well as a mother, stepmother and grandmother.

She is available for workshops and lectures to groups of
parents, teachers, and grandparents. Dr. Heins' Lectures
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