WebParenTips - The Online Parenting Newsletter vol.5 no.5, May 2004 

                      CONFIDENCE

Some kids breeze through school enjoying every task,
doing well on assignments, and getting good grades.

Other children may do just as well on their report card
but don’t enjoy the tasks of learning and worry about
every assignment and test.

What’s the difference between these groups of children?

Often the ones who are school worry-worts are just as
smart as the others but lack CONFIDENCE in their abilities.

The way I look at it children have to go to school so they
might as well enjoy it, right? How can parents help a child
who lacks confidence?

Most of these school-worriers are perfectionists or shy with
people or have the feeling they are not as good as their peers.
These are traits of temperament that the child is born with.
Parents can’t change the basic personality that their child
came into the world with because it is largely genetically
determined.

But parents CAN help the unconfident child.

Work with the teacher to find out if the child needs extra
help or tutoring. Even very bright children sometimes need
a tutor to help them build their confidence.

Encourage your child to develop competencies outside of
school: sports, art, music. Feeling confident comes from
learning that, “I can do it!” and the more opportunities the
child has to feel this way the better.

Let your child know you have high expectations but do not
expect perfection of anyone, not yourself or your child.

Help your child with skills-building. Worry-worts look at an
assignment and see a mountain. Show the child how to
break a big task into smaller ones. Explain how the child
can be sure to ace tomorrow’s spelling test by self-testing
-- cover up each word, write it, and check to see it is
spelled correctly.

Be sure your child knows it’s OK to take a break. Sometimes
perfectionists are so worried they won’t do well or finish
their work that they actually spend too much time at their
homework tasks.


Happy Parenting,
Marilyn Heins, M.D.


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Dr. Marilyn Heins is a Tucson pediatrician, parenting
columnist for the Arizona Daily Star, author of the book,
ParenTips, as well as a mother, stepmother and grandmother.

She is available for workshops and lectures to groups of
parents, teachers, and grandparents. See:

Dr. Heins' Lectures
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