WebParenTips - The Online Parenting Newsletter vol.5 no.6, Jun 2004 

                      FAMILY HARMONY

Last night I went to a chamber music concert and heard a
wonderful string quartet play a beautiful work by Beethoven.
Harmony at its very best.

The musicians looked at each other, not just the music in
front of them. They looked to know when to start playing,
when to come in after not playing for a few measures,
when to slow down and speed up.

It occurred to me that in today's families we are often so
busy we don't have time to look at each other. We talk to
each other but are more often than not doing something
else at the same time. This means we are facing the task
we are doing instead of the person we are talking to.

Bad idea. Just as the musicians look at each other to get
musical cues we should look at each other to get HUMAN
CUES.

Let's take a lesson from musicians. To make beautiful
family 'music' we have to be attuned to each other's
moods and feelings. We have to know when our words
upset the other person or when what we say is pleasing
to them. And we have to look at each other with love
and affection.

All of us will occasionally dash out of the house and call
back something like, "Don't forget to turn the oven on at 5:30.
Be back at 6." But to promote family harmony make an effort
to 1) Be in the same room with the person you are talking to.
2) Face the person. 3) Get the person's attention by starting
out with their name.

Does this sound like simplistic, it-goes-without-saying-advice?
Don't laugh. A counselor told me a couple she was seeing
avoided a divorce by taking the above advice. They had been
talking but not communicating.

Make a special effort to teach your children how important it
is to look at the people they are talking to.


Happy Parenting,
Marilyn Heins, M.D.


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Dr. Marilyn Heins is a Tucson pediatrician, parenting
columnist for the Arizona Daily Star, author of the book,
ParenTips, as well as a mother, stepmother and grandmother.

She is available for workshops and lectures to groups of
parents, teachers, and grandparents. See:

Dr. Heins' Lectures
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