WebParenTips - The Online Parenting Newsletter vol.5 no.8, Aug 2004 

              PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY AND KINDNESS

I heard a man on Public Radio the other day say
something so wise I want to share it with you.
He was asked whether he was a religious person.
He answered that he was not but that he had a
personal philosophy that served as a religion for him.

He said that what every person needs to have is
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY AND KINDNESS.
(I wish I knew who was talking as I would like to
give him credit but I didn’t hear his name.)

Wow! Think about it. If we parents knew, by the
time we sent our kids off to live their own lives,
that they possessed personal responsibility and
kindness it would mean we were successful.
If every parent in the world did this, the world
would be in much better shape than it is now.

How can we make sure that our children will
grow up with personal responsibility and kindness?

o We need to accept these as OUR VALUES.

o We must MODEL RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR
AND KINDNESS to our children and others,
not just when it is convenient but ALL THE TIME.

o We must START EARLY to get our kids on
the road to personal responsibility. Your child
should know the meaning of the word chores
by age 2. At this age their chore is to clean
up the toys and maybe bring their plates
(plastic) to the sink. And, of course, it is a
rare 2-year-old child who will ask if it’s OK
 to do clean up now! So you have to remind
your child over and over again that after play
we clean up our messes.

o By age 6 children should understand what
it means to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. If the
rule is that the bed is made before you leave
for school, the child assumes responsibility for
doing that task WITHOUT BEING REMINDED.

o Make your home a REFUGE OF KINDNESS.
Be sure your children know they will be treated
kindly even when a consequence is being enforced.
Parents are not dictators or prison guards.
They are human beings who have learned the
importance of kindness and courtesy and want
their children to learn this lesson too. The world
is full of snarlers, bullies, and nasties whose
parents probably snarled at them. When your
children get home they should feel they are
surrounded by love and kindness. Their parents
will treat them with courtesy and kindness at all
times even when sending them to their room for
an infraction.


Happy Parenting,
Marilyn Heins, M.D.


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Dr. Marilyn Heins is a Tucson pediatrician, parenting
columnist for the Arizona Daily Star, author of the book,
ParenTips, as well as a mother, stepmother and grandmother.

She is available for workshops and lectures to groups of
parents, teachers, and grandparents. See:

Dr. Heins' Lectures
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