WebParenTips - The Online Parenting Newsletter
             vol.6 no.10, October 2005

             A MESSAGE FROM KATRINA

The following column was published in the Arizona Daily
Star on 9-11. It still is pertinent enough to share with
my Newsletter subscribers.

Today is the fourth anniversary of 9-11. I still get choked up
when I think of what happened in New York City that day.
Here we are in another September watching horrific images
of a destructive hurricane and flood.

The catastrophe in New Orleans showed clearly that we
have neglected a big chunk of human capital-- those
living in poverty-- just as we have neglected our roads,
levees, and emergency management.

Usually I advise parents to keep their children away from TV
after a disaster. This time I think it’s a good idea to let your
school-age children watch enough TV so that they
comprehend what it means to be poor in America. Let them
see with their own eyes the difference between families with
cars and money that made it out and those that didn’t.


My granddaughter, age 9, covered her ears and said,
“I don’t want to hear about the hurricane and the flood
anymore, it’s too sad!” as the family was talking about the
misery witnessed on TV and discussing how much money
they should give to disaster relief. 

Sorry, Hannah, uncover your ears and listen up. Your
generation has to do three things better than we have.
You have to learn how to THINK critically. You have to figure
out how to VOTE intelligently. And you have to learn how to
POSTPONE GRATIFICATION. That means developing the
ability to think about the future rather than getting stuck in
the present. And the ability to think about what others need
not just what you want for yourself today.


September 11 should be remembered for what happened
that day so we can honor the memory of those who lost
their lives. How about making the anniversary of the day
Katrina hit New Orleans a national Let’s Stop and Think
Day. Since Katrina devastated the Gulf Coast.

I have already thought my way to three conclusions.

1) We live in an incredibly complex world and we are all
interconnected, black, white, rich, poor. 

2) We cannot live in isolation or indifference in this
complex world nor can we enjoy the fantasy that we can
take care of ourselves. We can’t. No individual can rebuild
a broken levee. We need each other and we need to have
access to speedy, compassionate, and appropriate aid
from the government when disaster strikes. 

3) We have to help those less fortunate then ourselves
every day not just when disaster strikes. I am proud to
see fellow Americans rush to donate money, volunteer
time, and open their hearts, cities and even their homes
to alleviate the misery of those people who were not able
to evacuate before Katrina struck. But we also have to
pay taxes so that aid arrives quickly for the afflicted,
broken levees can be fixed, and poor people can be
helped out of poverty.


What does all this have to do with parenting? Hannah
and her generation are too young to figure out how to
become critical thinkers all by themselves. They need
the help of their parents and teachers. They also need
to learn about the importance of voting. And, in my
opinion, they need to vote for leaders who believe
everybody deserves a chance at the American dream.

And they must be taught how to postpone gratification.

An important study done at Stanford gave 4-year-old
children a marshmallow and had each child sit alone
in a room for 15 minutes with the promise that if the
child resisted the temptation to eat the marshmallow,
a second marshmallow would be the reward. Some kids
could resist temptation, others couldn’t. Ten years later
those children who could wait for the second marshmallow
were found to be doing better at school, have better
relationships with peers, and manage stress better than
the kids who gobbled down the marshmallow before the
15 minutes were up.


So watch the pictures of New Orleans and the evacuees
with your children, talk to them about the implications of
being poor, ask them to imagine what it would be like to
lose everything they owned. And help your kids learn how
to postpone gratification. The next time they want another
game for their video player, explain they will have to wait
because the family has better things to do with its money
right now, helping those with greater needs. Your kids will
not only learn about helping others but may even do better
in school! 

    
Happy Parenting,
Marilyn Heins, M.D.


NOTE: There are New ParenTips on the website.
See: ParenTips


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Dr. Marilyn Heins is a Tucson pediatrician, parenting
columnist for the Arizona Daily Star, author of the book,
ParenTips, as well as a mother, stepmother and grandmother.

She is available for workshops and lectures to groups of
parents, teachers, and grandparents. See: Dr. Heins' Lectures
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More parenting information can be found in Dr. Heins' book, ParenTips