WebParenTips - The Online Parenting Newsletter
           vol.6 no.9, September 2005

                   ADJECTIVES

All parents have fantasies about how their children will
turn out. We see little Katie grown up in a power suit
conducting a brilliant legal defense in a courtroom. 

There's Mike, the astronaut, in our daydream. We bring
ourselves down to earth by remembering all we really
want is that they stay safe, do good at school, and grow
up healthy.

But we do worry. Are we good parents? Are we spending
enough time with the kids? Are we teaching them values?
Will Katie's stubbornness or Mike's daring get them into
trouble?

We signed on to this 24-7, 365 days-a-year, no paid
vacation job known as parenting but we didn't realize we
don't get a performance evaluation until the kids are grown.

A wise grandmother I met recently told me how she felt as
a young mother. "I knew I had no control over what career
path my children would take. So I started thinking of good
adjectives people might describe my children with." She
decided there were two adjectives she wanted people to
use to describe her children as they were growing up and 
when they were adults: CONSIDERATE and CURIOUS.

She encouraged her children to be both considerate and
curious, she modeled ways to be both considerate and
curious by acting in those ways herself, and she praised
them for behaving in considerate ways and expressing
curiosity.

It worked!

"Parents can pick any 'good' adjectives they want," she
told me with a smile, "it's their decision." Sure it is,
parents, feel free to pick your own. But as far as I'm
concerned there's nothing wrong with CONSIDERATE
and CURIOUS.

    
Happy Parenting,
Marilyn Heins, M.D.


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Dr. Marilyn Heins is a Tucson pediatrician, parenting
columnist for the Arizona Daily Star, author of the book,
ParenTips, as well as a mother, stepmother and grandmother.

She is available for workshops and lectures to groups of
parents, teachers, and grandparents. See: Dr. Heins' Lectures
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More parenting information can be found in Dr. Heins' book, ParenTips