WebParenTips - The Online Parenting Newsletter
vol.7 no.8,  August 2, 2006

HAPPY HOMES

Tolstoy wrote, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

How true!

For many years I have been thinking about happy families and happy homes. How are they all alike? What are the characteristics of a happy home? Can you make your own home happy?

Can you turn an unhappy family into a happy one?

I don't have all the answers but I think I have figured out three of the qualities found in the parents of a happy home.

First of all, the grownups in a happy home manage to remain CALM and COOL in virtually every crisis. They have the ability to keep from screaming or lashing-out when Baby throws a radio in the toilet or Mr. Teen brings home a very dented family car. These parents think first before they act or even talk. If they can't think of a solution or how to handle the problem they say, "I can't decide what to do, we'll talk about it later."

Second the parents in a happy home have what seems to be near infinite PATIENCE. They seem to know instinctively that they have to wait for a child to catch up. They understand that children develop at different speeds. They know that no parenting strategy brings instant results. They can take a deep breath and wait a minute or two.

Third, parents in happy homes have enormous amounts of RESPECT for each other and each child. They respect everybody's right to disagree, make a mistake, speak their mind.

The nicest thing about parenting is that if the parents have such qualities, the kids will model such behaviors--at least most of the kids will do so most of the time--and begin to act the same way.

Can parents decide to adopt these characteristics and turn an unhappy home full of cranky, quarrelsome people into a happy home? I don't know but it's sure worth a try. It's so much more pleasant to live in a happy home than an unhappy one.

So try CPR if you have an unhappy home that needs to be resuscitated. Keep CALM, have PATIENCE, and show RESPECT!

Happy Parenting,
Marilyn Heins, M.D.


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Dr. Marilyn Heins is a Tucson pediatrician, parenting
columnist for the Arizona Daily Star, author of the book,
ParenTips, as well as a mother, stepmother and grandmother.

She is available for workshops and lectures to groups of
parents, teachers, and grandparents. See: Dr. Heins' Lectures
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More parenting information can be found in Dr. Heins' book, ParenTips