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HOW TO STOP SPANKING YOUR KIDS

OK, you've seen the light. You want to become a reformed spanker. But how? I have four steps for you, eight less than Alcoholics Anonymous, all easy to practice and pretty easy to put into effect.

1) COMMITMENT You must want to change your behavior. Of course you don't want to physically hurt your child. You don't want to lose control. You don't want to give your child the message that it's OK for big people to hit little people.

2) CHILDPROOFING You childproof your house not only to keep your child safe but also away from temptation. If the child cannot reach the computer, you won't have to spank the kid for pulling down the keyboard and breaking it.

3) CALMING TECHNIQUES Most parents today need a crash course in stress reduction. I know when I was stressed-out I was more apt to lose control with my kids (I was a screamer, not spanker but neither one is good for children).

Take a PARENTAL TIME-OUT when you feel you are about to lose it. Put the kids in a safe place and go to your room to cool off.

Do a ONE-MINUTE ANTI-STRESS EXERCISE. Sit in a quiet place and take deep breaths concentrating on your breathing.

Take a TWO-MINUTE STRESS BREAK. Set the timer. Lie down on the floor (so you won't fall asleep) and do nothing but deep-breathing. By the way, children as young as two can do this with you. “Mommy's tired. Let's take a stress-break together." Show the child how you breath deeply.

Practice VISUALIZATION. Set the timer for as much time as you have–five minutes is good but two will work. Close your eyes and visualize yourself in the calmest, most beautiful place you can think of.

4) CONTROL Here comes the hard part. Most of us spank quickly and in anger (and spend the rest of the day regretting it).

When you feel the anger rising, COUNT SLOWLY TO TEN.

HOLD YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK so they can't do anything and ask yourself what alternative methods of discipline will work.

Keep telling yourself that SPANKING IS WRONG.

Two reminders: Don't turn into a parent wimp, just find other ways of getting your kids to mind. And don't feel guilty about past swats. Just about all of us admit to at least one swat per child.

If you can't stop and the spanking is escalating, call Parent's Anonymous.

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ParentKidsRight by Marilyn Heins

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