Please click your printer icon to print this printer-friendly page

To return to the previous page simply close this window.

DON'T BE A PARENT WIMP!

Why is it so important to be an IN-CHARGE PARENT? Because all kids need to know there is a grown-up in charge. This grown-up is the one who protects the child from harm, makes the tough, sometimes unpopular, decisions that have to be made, and will be there for the child.

Who is this person? YOU!

The funny thing is when kids protest the loudest, they need your in-charge parenting the most. Examples: The toddler trying to climb on a too high slide or the teen testing limits.

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY PARENT WIMPS TODAY?

1) Most parents today worry about doing something wrong that will irrevocably and permanently harm their child. They do not feel secure in their parenting role.

2) We parents were sold a bill of goods that parenting is instinctive. NOT! What we assumed was instinct was the feeling of confidence parents had in the old days when we lived in extended families or tribes and where there was always somebody to show you what to do or take over when you needed help.

3) Parents worry about not spending enough time with their children and try to make up for this with indulgence.

4) Many parents think their job is to be "family happiness managers" who see to it that everybody is blissful and everything is running smoothly. WRONG!

4) Some parents were treated harshly as children and want to be very different parents for their own kids.

5) Parents are ignorant of positive discipline strategies that work Nobody ever taught them these.

WHAT CAN PARENTS DO TO CHANGE THEIR WIMP STATUS?

1) FEEL IN-CHARGE–it's your job to be the grown-up-in-charge and your kids need to know you're doing your job. (If you have trouble feeling in-charge after you realize it's your job get counseling help.)

2) ACT IN-CHARGE An in-charge parents is not violent, does not have to scream or yell or nag or do any of the things that won't work. An in-charge parent has quiet determination, confidence in their role and skills, and command of any tendency to fly off the handle.

3) TELL YOUR CHILDREN YOU ARE CHANGING It's only fair to tell the kids you are changing from parent wimp to Parent-in-Charge .I suggest borrowing a line from Dr. Seuss. Tell your children that from now on, "I meant what I said and I said what I meant, I'm the parent in-charge 100 percent!"

4) PICK YOUR BATTLES Safety rules and the rule that we don't hurt others–either their person or their feelings--were the important ones in my house. It's OK to overlook the unimportant stuff.

5) LEARN APPROPRIATE STRATEGIES

• Communicate expectations clearly (use the fewest possible words. Remember a rule is not a sermon on values.)
• Make rules specific and understandable: "No hitting!" "We don't talk back."
• Keep the volume of your voice way down.
• Be consistent in consequences

To return to previous page simply close this window.

ParentKidsRight by Marilyn Heins

The content of this entire web site is provided for educational purposes only. It is NOT intended as a substitute for professional medical care. ALWAYS consult your physician or childcare expert if you have any questions concerning yourself or your family's well being. ParentKidsRight does not make any warranties of any kind, either express or implied with respect to the accuracy of its content. Neither ParentKidsRight, nor its contributors or authors are liable for any mistakes, errors, or omissions of any kind, nor are they responsible for any loss or damage caused by a user's reliance upon any information obtained from ParentKidsRight.