There are two kinds of hurt feelings parents worry about. They hate to see their own child get his or her feelings hurt by another child. But they hate even more to see their child hurt another's feelings.
Sure the minor spats of childhood are exceedingly common. Most of the time the kids shrug them off, make up, and forget abut the whole thing. But some insults lead to tears and really hurt feelings. Some children brood about these feelings and feel they did something wrong or are unworthy of playmates.
What should you do if you find your own child is saying mean things to other kids? There are two approaches you can use. One is to call your kid on this behavior. Take your child aside and say, "When you told Jason to go home and you would never play with him again you hurt his feelings. How would you feel if Jason said that to you?"
The problem is that your child was angry at something Jason did and may still feel that way. You may get a response like, "I don't care if he is hurt, he broke my truck and I hate him!"
So the second approach--do nothing and let your child experience the consequences of his actions when Jason won't play with him any more--may actually be preferable.
But when the dust settles, it's time to get in your parent propaganda. Talk with your child about the importance of good manners. Talk about how we should try to not hurt anyone's feelings. Talk about the Golden Rule: you treat other children the way you want to be treated.
And remember children model our behaviors. So be sure you are not hurting others in your dealings with them.
