Most parents understand the principles of talking about difficult issues with young children.
The principles are HONESTY tempered by the child's AGE and
DEVELOPMENTAL CAPACITY TO UNDERSTAND.
The practicalities are a lot more difficult than the principles.
We have to think about and decide on the child's NEED TO KNOW.
Illustration: A six-year-old boy is introduced to the new baby of
a Lesbian couple at a church picnic. "How can two women have a baby?"
he demanded of these women. They answered that he should ask his
mother who had to think fast. She wisely decided technicalities of
sperm donation and artificial insemination were beyond his
understanding and much beyond his need to know.
Her answer was that there are all kinds of families. The important
thing is that this sweet baby has two loving parents to take care
of her. The child was satisfied with the answer.
Illustration: A seven-year-old girl was told by her parents that her
grandmother had developed Alzheimer's and was losing her ability to
remember things. The parents explained that Grandmother would forget
words and names and might not be able to remember enough to take care
of herself one day. The little girl burst into tears and said, "I don't
want Grandma to ever forget ME!." This is not the time to talk about
brain cells and degenerative processes. It's the time to tell your
child you know how she feels. "It's very sad that this is happening
to Grandma; We hope she will be able to recognize and remember us for
a long time. Let's think of what we can do to help Grandma remember you.
Why don't you write her a letter and we'll send a big picture of you in
your new dress."
EMPOWERING a child to do something positive is the way to go. Action,
not just worrying, can help all of us.
